What should you do if goal setting feels too hard, difficult or overwhelming?

During certain times of the year, everyone is talking about goal setting. If you spend time chatting with colleagues, friends or family, it can feel like their goals for the year are the sole topic of conversation. Indeed, setting goals can start to feel like a core requirement of adulthood!

I understand the pressure; I’ve felt it myself. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love goals and often emphasise their importance. Goals help us stay focused, achieve things, and take pride in our accomplishments, which, in turn, boosts our confidence.

However, what happens when goal-setting feels too challenging? You may feel like a failure, because isn’t setting goals a vital part of being an adult?

The truth is, it isn’t.

There are times in life when setting goals can feel overwhelming. In those moments, it can be a relief to know that there's an alternative approach: focusing on an area of intention instead.

Unlike goals, which can feel rigid and narrowly defined, an area of focus or intention can be more fluid and supportive.

So, what exactly is an area of focus or intention?

Embrace an Area of Focus or Intention

Essentially, an area of focus or intention is a list of positive actions you'd like to take in the present rather than a future-oriented approach typical of traditional goal setting. While goal setting emphasises the “what,” areas of focus and intention highlight the “why” behind your actions.

How, What, and Why

Here's a quick explanation:

All my clients come to me with a clear sense of “WHAT” they want — what they want to achieve or the goal they are aiming for.

The same applies to life. Most of us have a clear idea of what we want. For my clients, it often centres around desiring a new role, greater satisfaction in their careers, or increased confidence.

Even if you don’t have complete clarity about what you want, generally, you’ll have a good idea. This desire for something different often leads people to seek my guidance in the first place.

Discussing your Why, What and How with a trusted confidante (eg a coach, like me!) can help

Then, most of us jump straight to the “HOW.”

How are we going to make that “what” happen? Do we need to change jobs, earn more money, or acquire new skills?

While the “how” can be very practical, it can also be misleading. We might believe that certain “whats” can only be achieved through specific “hows.”

Many of these assumptions are myths, and I work to disprove them. That’s why, with my clients, we explore the “how” of embracing their strengths. I then support them in taking steps and actions toward their articulated “what” in a way that feels easy and aligned.

If you've been paying attention, you might notice the missing step. This part is so important that I ensure we cover it every time I meet with a client.

It's the “why.”

Specifically, it’s your “WHY.”

Why do you want this? Why does the client want this?

With my clients, we explore the 'why' early on, sometimes even before discussing the 'what '.

Identify Your Why

To identify your 'why ', start by asking yourself:

Why do you want this specific outcome or to set this particular intention?
What will it bring to your life?
What values or beliefs does it align with?

Under the 'why', we dive into the details, exploring your values and what truly matters to you.

The key to making progress with any significant project, goal, or aspiration is to find your 'why '. Why is that particular goal or accomplishment important to you? Connecting to that is vital.

Your “why” motivates you through the “hows” to reach the “whats.”

Without knowing the overarching reason behind your desire to achieve a specific goal, the messy, often challenging work of moving through the “how,” meaning taking consistent action toward that goal, can begin to feel burdensome.

People often give up during the “how” stage, especially if they haven’t clearly defined why they want a specific goal or accomplishment.

The importance of intrinsic motivation also plays a role here, as it feeds into your ‘why’. Intrinsic motivation is connected to our values and beliefs, guiding us from within, in contrast to external motivation, which is driven by outside factors such as rewards.

Your “whys” clarify your actions and help you remember what truly matters as you progress, that is, the “how”.

So, now that you have your why, what if goal setting doesn’t feel right?

Set an Area of Focus or Intention

An area of focus is not exactly the same as a goal but is closely related to the broader concept of habits. While goals tend to be specific and measurable outcomes we aim to achieve, areas of focus are more about guiding principles or themes that shape our daily behaviours and decisions.

If you’re unsure how to set an area of focus or intention, here are some tips:

1. Reconnect with your values.

2. Assess how you spend your time on activities that align with or support those values.

Example: Leaning into the value of family

A relatable example involves my top value: family. Rather than establishing a rigid goal centred around spending time with my loved ones, I prioritise enjoying quality moments together and being fully present when those moments arise.

This approach allows for a more organic connection with my family members, fostering an atmosphere of love and support. To facilitate this, I employ several key habits that encourage interaction and togetherness.

One such habit is leaving our devices elsewhere during meals, which creates an undistracted environment where we can truly engage with one another. These shared meals have become precious opportunities for storytelling, laughter, and sharing our day-to-day experiences. Additionally, I prioritise family gatherings, whether celebrating milestones or simply making sure I stop what I’m doing when my boys get home from school or work and be present with them. By carving out time for these events, I ensure that our bonds remain strong and that we build lasting memories together.

Finally, I make a conscious effort to be available for conversations with my kids whenever they want to chat. This means actively listening and being approachable, which strengthens our relationship and encourages open communication as they navigate their journeys.

Example: Setting an intention to read more

For example, after many years of diligently cultivating my reading habit (where I’d sent an intention to read more), I realised that simply aiming to read every day wasn't enough to keep me motivated or engaged.

As a result, I began to establish specific goals that enhanced my reading experience, such as setting up memory joggers to help me retain what I read and participating in reading challenges to push my boundaries and explore new genres. This shift from a purely habitual approach to incorporating goal-oriented strategies allowed me to deepen my appreciation for literature and make my reading journey more enriching and enjoyable.

Ultimately, the interplay between areas of focus and specific goals can create a more fulfilling path toward personal development and growth.

In summary, if goal setting feels too heavy or complicated, consider embracing an intention-setting or area-of-focus approach instead. This method is a gentler, more encompassing way to live with purpose, ultimately enhancing your clarity and confidence.

If you'd like additional support, my FREE guide, ‘3 Steps to Fall Back in Love with Your Job,’ can help you reconnect with yourself.

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