Know your values; how to live with intention
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Getting clear on our values and choosing to take action aligned with our values is how we live an intentional, meaningful life.
But, many of my clients find they are unclear on their values or feel their values have shifted over the years. Thus, we use the initial few sessions to explore their values as well as their signature strengths. Personal values are reasonably self-explanatory – it’s the things that we deem important in our lives.
What are values?
Our values are essentially a personal code of conduct that we choose to live by. Our values work like our moral compass – they help us make decisions, take action and live the life we want to live. Therefore being able to identify our values is key to both knowing ourselves, and living a life of intention.
When life feels off track, it’s often because we have become less intentional about living aligned with our values. When you can identify which values you have been neglecting, you can regain your intentionality and boost your happiness.
Why know our values?
Our values help us know who we are, what we stand for, and what we deem important. Our values inform our thoughts, actions and words. They also help us grow and develop.
Here are many other benefits of getting clear on your values.
“There is no greater reward than living in integrity with your values and living in such a way that it makes the world better, now and for the future. ”
Values and confidence
Identifying your values increases your level of confidence simply because it brings a sense of stability to your life. You know what you value, you know what you stand for, and through this lens, you can choose to say yes or no to situations, people and activities.
Additionally, even if we are not able to behave at all times in line with our values, knowing our values helps us to know ourselves better. And the key to living with intention, gaining clarity and feeling confident, is knowing ourselves.
Values and relationships
To have meaningful relationships with others, first, we need to know and understand ourselves, which includes knowing our values. That is, to be ourselves, first, we must know ourselves.
Once we know ourselves and our values, it can be illuminating to discover that others have different values from us. In this way, knowing our values, and learning about others' values, can help us understand them better too. This is particularly important with our loved ones and in our close relationships. Whilst personal values needn’t be identical, relationships built on shared values rather than shared beliefs result in more harmonious relationships, be they romantic, friendship or professional.
Is happiness a value?
Some of my younger clients express happiness as a value or desire it as a goal. And certainly, when I was younger, I would have said something similar. Like many, in my 20s I worked hard for long hours in many different roles, with the hope of gaining both experience and expertise. I didn’t do this for a meaningful life; rather, as stepping stones to more promotions and greater income. I believed, just like all my friends, that if we could earn enough money, we’d be happy. Of course, the figure that constituted ‘enough’ kept moving with each pay rise or promotion.
What does this have to do with values? Well, at the time, I would have said doing good work and being happy were my values.
And wanting to feel happier, and valuing happiness is great. But, it’s not a value per se. Happiness is the outcome of living a meaningful life, which can only be achieved when we know our values and live and work aligned with them.
Values and actions disconnect
When values are disconnected or opposite, it can create friction in any relationship, including in the workplace.
Many businesses and organisations espouse values. You may have seen them up on the wall, on posters or turned into mouse mats! Certainly, many businesses promote their values on their website. But ultimately what’s important is not where you tell people what your values are, but rather whether you adhere to and live them.
For example, at one point during my corporate consulting work, the lack of action taken by a consulting client felt the direct opposite of my values. Whilst I did complete the tasks required, it was deeply uncomfortable and quite distressing at times. In essence, I wanted to make a difference and cared about the people, but the work was not being taken seriously or being actioned by the client corporation. This felt like a clear disconnect between my value of integrity, and how the organisation was acting.
The actions and values disconnect are as true for corporations as it is for individuals.
It’s one thing to say you value the environment, but if your actions don’t support that, it’s just lip service. Certainly, I’m sure we all know at least one organisation or individual who claims to have certain values but operates in a completely different way. The disconnect occurs when we claim one thing and then behave differently.
This is why it’s so important to know your values and ensure they are YOUR values – not those you’ve borrowed from someone else or think sound good.
How to determine your values?
There are many lists of values that you can explore. Here is one I find useful.
But the easiest way to identify your values can be to ask yourself;
What do I care about?
What is important to me?
That said, for some people, trying to determine their values is hard. This is where I would suggest you look at your l behaviour and actions and work backwards to determine your values.
One way you can do this is by reviewing your finances (credit card statement, bank account, PayPal purchasing). We tend to spend in ways that support our values. Therefore, it can be illuminating to see where you currently spend and consume, and check whether it is aligned with what you believe your values are. In some cases, it will definitely be the case that your spending matches your values. In other situations, like many of us, you may find that your spending does not completely align with the values you believe you hold.
For example, we may claim to value our health and wellbeing, but find the bulk of our weekly spending is on takeaway or junk food.
Indeed, finding that we are living out of alignment with our values can be one way to uncover what it is we do value. By exploring what we don’t care about, we can establish what we DO care about.
“There are at least two reasons people don’t understand their values: First, we don’t stop to question what they are, and so our values are shaped by pop culture, the media, and the influence of others. Second, we don’t understand that some values are more important than others. ”
How knowing your values support you to live with intention
When we are clear on our values, we can live, work, and make deliberate decisions with greater confidence and ease. When we are unclear or uncertain about our values, we can be swayed by others' opinions, judgements and well-meaning but misguided advice.
Once you know yourself, and what you value, you can use your values to make decisions. When you are living aligned with your values, you know that saying 'no' to something means you are saying 'yes' to something that matters more.
For example, communicating what you will and won’t do. If you value family, you may communicate that you don’t work weekends. Or, you might prioritise speaking with interstate family members on a weekly basis. Similarly, if you value education and learning, you may prioritise time for learning and investments in schooling for both yourself and your family.
Know your values to live with intention
Whilst it’s a well-worn cliche, life IS a journey, not a destination. When you live a values-based life, the journey is richer. And it means the things you do achieve, are things you actually want to do, not just things you think you should want, based on others' expectations or societal constructs.
To summarise;
Know who you are.
Know what matters to you.
Know what you want.
Knowing your values and adhering to them is a major part of an intentional life. Through knowing ourselves, what matters to us, and living accordingly, we will live a more meaningful, purposeful and intentional life.
Whilst reading about determining your values is easy, it can be hard to do on your own. And that’s where working with a coach can assist. If living an intentional, values-led life where you feel more fulfilled and purposeful sounds like something you’re interested in, I would love to support you.
Learn more about coaching with me here.
